Cal's Place - Ahhrooooo! The doggiest smelling place on the web.

What Cal thought of the Dem. National Debates last night

2008-04-17T08:32:00.000-04:00

2007-10-18T14:43:00.000-04:00

2007-10-03T23:40:00.000-04:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I broke it!

2007-04-04T18:30:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, my human is an inventor. This is his latest piece of crap. He told me not to touch it, but I can't resist. It is the BTP 2007b

LEt's see, how do you turn this . . . .
chreeeeeeeeeeIIIIIIIIIIIRWEGGGGGGGGGGS !@!#########22

************TESTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****** kghhhhh kghhhhhhh testing . . .
Hi * This is Cal * on the new Bark-to-Typolator * 2007.
It seems to type things in human as I bark them - just like the BTP2005 So the #$%^ what. kinda tuoiwa dkljs ruff ahem!

You * ARE* a * stupid * machine. * I * am * Cal* *Now *go* *get * me * a TREAT**

Staring doesn't work however, what a waste of 5 minutes that just was!!

Is *this * thing . . . On?!!!*

*ruff* *Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhroooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!***

Open the pod bay door Hal . . .
Hal . . . Open the pod bay door . . . . .

Awww never mind.

And here's a good use of human money. Wonder how many meaty bones this is worth?
http://www.justinesmith.net/washington.html

So what's the wierdest thing you've ever seen in dog form?

Guitar licks & bone crunching power / Lassie vs. Lord Voldemort

2007-04-02T14:17:00.000-04:00

HIYA!!!

Just like Skyler (above) I'm working on creating my first ever rock album. My latest number is called Lassie vs. Lord Voldemort. Inspired by Lassie's win last year over the dark lord himself.

Though Voldy won a few battles, Lassie was triumphant in the end.
HUGE thanks to the creative genius of Sketch Longwood for chronicling the battle and risking his life in the process to record the outcome.

LASSIE vs. LORD VOLDEMORT - click to see who won!

And Uncle Mason's looking good!

Yet I have the Hollywood style down even better than Mason!!!

By the way, do any of you remember cassettes?! They generally taste pretty sweet until you get to the tape inside which is kind of bitter and goes best with single-malt scotch.

And don't forget to challenge the pig:

http://www.pianoworld.com/Piano_Pig.html

cya,
The guitar shredding burnanator collie - Cal the Wonderdog

Why jumping and licking aren't heroic, dark matter, and a tune challenge

2007-03-30T00:10:00.000-04:00

Hey! At first I thought that dog that saved the human using the Heimlich maneuver was such an inspiring story, but then I thought if it were a collie, the jumping up and down thing and the licking the human thing would have just been instinctive afterthoughts, not heroic deeds. If you happen to save a life in the meantime, all the more Lassie-like.

Now discovering the meaning behind this 3D distribution of dark matter in our universe - now that would be something!!!

And thanks for ALL of that email, I read each of your letters at least one-quarter of the way through before I was distracted by the beeping from my Dogberry and had to take another sip from my Guinness bowl and answer by d-mail.

And then it was later:

TUNE CHALLENGE #247
". . . . whose wine, what wine, where the hell did I dine" - 10 milk bones to the first dog who can name that tune and artist.

The Calvinationater

MERRY CHRISTMAS VACATION !!!

2006-12-07T10:09:00.000-05:00

HI!!!

Thanks for emailing and writing in everybody, my long vacation is going great! Time for the holidays again! No working, no computers, just lots of playing. I love it so much, I'm extending my vacation indefinitely - Whoooooohoooooooo. So this will likely be my last post for who knows how long. Maybe forever!

ENJOY YOUR HOLIDAY SEASON EVERYBODY!

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!

PS I may be hanging out in SL periodically; I'll be the dog with the attitude bugging everybody :)

Cheers, over and out.

Cal

Hey Dogs and Cats, what's your favorite thing to do in the Wintertime?

2006-11-03T13:15:00.000-05:00

Hi everybody, thanks for all your notes. Yes, I'm still around and busy as ever. And I'm anxiously waiting for the new Lassie DVD to come out, I've been having fun with the cooler weather here in Frostbite Falls. I smell snow in the air and am ready to learn ice hockey this year. Do you think dogs can ice skate?

Hey! what winter sports do you like? Are there any dogs that ski? Or go sledding? And if you don't have snow, what the heck do you do in the Winter?!

Cal

Ancient artifacts, Lassie vs. Megatron, Space Probes, et al

2006-09-22T17:53:00.000-04:00

Happy Friday! I was walking along the shores of Lake Frostbite today in the rain with my friend Haley the black lab and we stumbled upon this:

Before I had a chance to poop all over it 'n' all, Haley stopped me and gasped a raspy bark that translates in human to:

"Wow, this is an artifact from the mound builders that were here before the Native Americans settled here in this area!"

On closer inspection, it seems to be a piece of pottery with some sort of map on how to get to Frostbite Valley from what's now the Arctic Circle.

But then . . . I took my super magnifying amateur zoomascopic lens attachment for my highly-collectible 1979 Scooby-doo Magnifying Glass/Stopwatch and look what I found inside that small dot on the outer ring of the map:

Imagine! (Insert dreamy way-back sound effect here)
Even back then, some thousands of years ago, there was PEZ! (Albeit very small PEZ)

In other news . . .

Check out LASSIE VS. MEGATRON.
Lassie wins hands down! BTW, that's my uncle Mason in the last photo on the page. See the movie, it's opening everywhere this month.

And don't forget to pick up the latest Shaggy Dog adventure on DVD either if you're into that sort of thing.

In science news, here's something interesting. I'm glad I didn't buy a ticket to ride on THIS!

Ten milk bones to any dog who can tell me where this spacecraft is headed and where it was launched from!

Over and out,
Cal

As Falls Frostbite Falls, so Falls Fall at Lake Frostbite

2006-09-05T14:25:00.000-04:00

The rest of the region was under heavy cloud and rain, but as many of you know, due to the mystical properties of this hidden and secret valley, it is always beautiful here this time of year:

The far end of Lake Frostbite where the fish are giant, the water an elixir of youth, and every mosquito is above average. (but so are the bats, so there are few mosquitos to bother us!)

The sky - can you feel the Arctic currents sneaking in? (Or did the humans leave the refridgerator door open in the cabin again?)

Here's me after deer chasing. My humans came looking for me and said they spent hours searching. They were a bit cranky for a while after that (sometimes humans just don't understand.) Dog am I man-tired.

<- Pirate Kid Ahhhrrrrrr . . . Run Away! Wake the kids, ring the town bell. Or something.

WHAT DID YOU DO OVER THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND? (if you didn't have a holiday, that's OK, you can still tell!)

Over and out,
Cal

Cloud Dog & Five wack things 'bout ME

2006-08-25T02:18:00.000-04:00

Carmel had a great idea to put a cloud on her latest post. Do you like clouds? I do. Can you see the dog doing a flying leap in this picture I took the other day?

Now onto lesser and trivial things . . .

5 WACK THINGS ABOUT ME
(Say . . . Is anybody else getting sleepy?)

So, speaking of "flying leap", for all those blasted taggers out there (you know who you are and I'm saying that with great love and admiration) I'm gonna do this just once and no more tagging from here out! There have been several types of tag things lately so what follows is 5 things about me that may be perceived as being a bit wacker and hoon by certain individuals I know.

(I, however, feel they are perfectly normal and can't see why people get their knickers in a twist sometimes . . . ) Anyway, here goes:

1. When I meet people or dogs for the first time I tend to goose them really hard right in the crotch or butt! Whoo ooooo ooooo ahhhhrahooooo!!!!

2. I eat only at night and when I'm chowin down, between every 3 mouthfuls I swallow, I walk around the entire house one time. On my way around, if anyone is sitting on the couch I stand next to them, poke them with my nose and then burp. (and then back to the bowl to have another 3 and so on . . .)

3. I am a Buddhist. (Just kidding, that's just a dogma joke I was saving for Dharmadoggeddon) Actually, I am a practicing Stud. Yep that's my religion lately and I'm stickin' to it.

4. And while I'm on that topic, I am not neutered and my p-thing is enormous (don't want to offend so you better email me for the exact dimensions. But I warn you, it's not for the faint of heart when it gets going if there is a dog in heat nearby.) Somebody thank the man upstairs for me - yeah!

5. And last but not least - I have trained my humans so well that I won't walk out the door or cross the street ever until they give me a loud "OK." They are so trainable, these guys - I love it! Keep the treats flowin' humes, you know what I like . . .

Bonus info: I love to herd my humans up to the bedroom every night (the goosing technique in #1 is great when they are wasting time talking on the phone or reading a book when it's time to get upstairs and go to sleep)

Okay, there's my tagging quota filled for another year. Phew!!!!! Next dog that tags me is gonna get goosed! (Actually, dogs like that a lot more than humans) Now, I think I'm supposed to tag some dogs . . . but wait! I hear my Mom calling me in for supper. Ahhhhh man, too bad I don't have time to tag anyone this year. Oh well, time for venison, potatos and wait, who's that on the couch? It's mom, yeah. She always laughs at my burps . . .

Cal

Hey, what kind of dog do you think the "Dog in the Moon" is?

2006-08-10T01:11:00.000-04:00

Look at this picture I accidentally snapped while tasting some gooey pink stuff that Rocky spit up on the dock earlier this evening: (BTW, Rocky is a 90 lb. black lab visiting from Utah)

Of course, the moon is a bit too far away to see anything (except romance in the eyes of the one next to you; and in my case, Rocky is definitely out of the question because he is a male AND has the worst dog breath ever)

So. I got my giant ZOOOM lens out and took the awesome shot of the giant orb you see below.

Okay, that's not exactly true. So . . . I stretch the truth a bit sometimes - yes that bone over there was actually a raw steak I had to eat before they ruined it by putting it on the charcoal thingy. Hey, don't you start looking at me like that either.

Actually this picture was taken by my grand uncle Lassie in episode 13 of season 8 of the original series entitled "Screw the commies, the good ol'USA has the coolest dog in space if not the first." Remember that episode? (sigh) It chokes me up just thinking about how Lassie pulls Timmy from that crater when they accidentally crash land on the moon . . . (deeper sigh)

HEY! I swear I see the "DOG IN THE MOON"!!!

I'm thinking it's not a collie though. Hmmmmmm . . .

more like a Samoyed puppy or something.

(Everybody say "aawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, isn't he cute?)

Hey, what kind of dog do you think the "Dog in the Moon" is?

Anxiously awaiting your expert dog spotting abilities and personality informing opinions. Over and out from Frostbite Falls,

Cal (ever the) Wonderdog

P.S. Okay, okay, the close-up moon picture was taken by Buzz and Neill in 1969 on their way to Neptune. There you have the truth now. Hope you're happy :-)

Waiting for action

2006-07-25T14:01:00.000-04:00

Look at all these - where are the humans? I want a ride!

So what is everybody up to this Summer? I hope it's more exciting than my day today . . .

Cal

Have your humans ever pulled a fast one on you like this?

2006-07-14T10:26:00.000-04:00

So I'm on this canoe ride, see. And suddenly my humans pretend they are getting out on this floating dock way out in the lake.

And then when I'm not looking they get back in the canoe and take off without me! Can you believe it?!!

What's up with that? Yeah, I could've jumped off and swam in to shore, but hey, a dog has to have a little respect.

So I waited.

And waited . . .

And then I waited FOREVER just to see if they would be nice and come and get me.

Then I waited even more! Until FINALLY the humans (I won't mention these ne'er do well persons' names) came out and picked me up for a canoe ride into shore.

Sometimes you have to wonder about these humans. That was a dirty trick. WHAT'S THE WORST TRICK YOUR HUMANS HAVE PLAYED ON YOU? And if nobody answers, then that will prove I have the only insensitive jerks for humans in the world. If you DO comment with a story, then I'll know I'm not alone in this cruel world.

So what do you say? Over and out from the lake at Frostbite Falls, MN.

Cal

Hey dogs! What's your favorite Summer place to relax?

2006-07-10T10:29:00.000-04:00

My favorite summer spot to lay around after a full day's playing at the lake is the sandbox in the picture below. It's up the hill from the lake and just about 40 feet from the cabin door. If you dig down deep enough in the sand, there's always cool, moist stuff down there which is awesome feeling on the old undersides. Hey dogs! What's your favorite Summer place to relax?

Here's my second fave spot, the deck.

How 'bout you?

Summer Fun (walking on water, levitating human pups, mothra, et al)

2006-07-07T21:46:00.000-04:00

Hey there, Cal here, live from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota at the foot of the great falls on a wonderful lake where we have a cabin for summer fun.

Lately I've been having fun watching the human pups try to walk on water; they try this every year . . .

Try as they may, humans have not mastered this quite yet, though there is a rumor that one person who lived a couple thousand years ago did it once.

But the younglings have mastered floating in the air and making small plastic balls levitate for a few seconds . . .

And here is a moth I played with, but then thought it might be a monster so I just backed off! The eyes have it for survival of the wild-eyed flying mothra.

Here I'm taking a break from trying to figure out how to get his canoe going without paddles.

And now for a quick nap . . . ZZZZzzzzzzzz

My good, my good

2006-05-22T20:48:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it's fun to prowl around in the kitchen for things the humans might drop on the floor. Especially within the "work triangle" between the island cooktop, the ovens and the fridge. This week I've scored:

- 1/2 of a Ding Dong
- 1 slice of rhubarb crisp crumble
- 1/2 can of tuna
- Hamburger
- scrambled eggs remnants (screggnants)
- 1 slice of roast beast
- 1/4 buttered toast w/black current preserves
- Some unknown green sweet sticky stuff that was stuck on the inside of the dishwasher

It helps that I'm really fast and that my humans are messy when preparing meals. And the best part: they blame themselves and not me! I've become a pro at standing behind them when they are prepping something and they forget that I'm there.

One stumble, and I'm eating rhubarb crisp crumble.
One bump on their legs, and I'm eating eggs.
And so it goes . . .

Hot Chicks, Cool Mom

2006-05-18T17:13:00.000-04:00

It took Mom about an hour to walk her chicks the 12 blocks to get from the neighborhood park where the ducklings hatched to the river to meet up with Dad, who went ahead to secure their new home. As you can imagine, the new ducklings are a ways away from flight and this is a particularly vulnerable time for the fam. Along the way, there were giant crows following them and a hawk circling around the destination.

After a short rest for the hot and tired chicks and with a little help, they made it across the last road and down the path to the river.

Good luck guys!

American League Underdogs

2006-05-10T19:22:00.000-04:00

This year I will again predict that my fellow underdogs, the Minnesota Twins, will take their division, win in the AL playoffs and take the Series in four games.

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Cal

Frostbite Falls - Where could it be?

2006-04-29T07:25:00.000-04:00

In the mailbag this week, Frappy from San Jose, California, asks:

Where in blazes is Frostbite Falls, Cal?!!? Is it in Smoochiching County, MN? (that's what my friend Rumi the BF tells me..)

Hi Frappy, Cal here, always at the ready to answer your burning questions; however, I'm not allowed to get TOO specific with the town's location.

Kootchiching, Smootchiching.
Frostbite Falls is located in beautiful Koochiching County, Minnesota within about a 40 minute drive of Lake Woebegon. I guess our county rhymes with "smoochiching" so your friend was close.

The name Koochiching comes from the Cree word "Ouchichiq"; the Ojibway people (who took really awesome care of this land before the European settlers came in and messed up a lot of it) applied this name to both Rainy Lake and Rainy River.

The Hidden Secret
The map below shows where Koochinching County is; Frostbite Falls is nestled within a lush, hidden patch of pristine land known only to it's inhabitants and their relatives (who are sworn to secrecy when very young, usually right after being baptized by a local Pastor and Fishing Guide.)

My Hero, Otar
By the way, a bit of trivia here - most fishing guides and pastors up here are descendents of one Otar Ingwe Lightfoot, a wise man who discovered Frostbite Valley about 178 years ago. And it was he who stumbled upon the famous Frostbite Falls themselves which give inhabitants of this area an unbelievable zest for life, abnormally high fertility rates, uncanny ability to ice skate with hockey sticks immediately after birth, and natural rosy cheeks.)

Koochiching County, Minnesota, USA.

Can you see me waving in this picture?

Thanks for the question Frappy, smell ya later!

Cal

As dogs dog dogs laying down, so formerly horizontal dogs dog formerly vertical dogs now horizontal

2006-04-25T00:05:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it's hard to get your best buddy to GET UP AND PLAY!!! You try pawing at them, biting them, pushing them and . . . nothing. Then when it's you that's trying to nap, they come and bother you. I just say, "like, where were you when I wanted to play, huh?"

In the picture to the left, I am appealing to my sidekick (out of view in this shot) to find a ball or something, 'cause that's the only thing that will get black labs off the floor sometimes.

If anyone has some tips for getting lazybones dogs up to play, I'd sure appreciate it. Ok, I've had enough! I give up. Dumb labs, sheeeesh!

Cal (the "I'm not wasting MY day away sleeping" Wonderdog)

(Editor's note: Haley went on to pester Cal (who took a nap) to get up for the next half an hour after the picture above was taken. Which just goes to show you that in Frostbite Falls, it is very hard for dogs to let sleeping dogs lie. Or something like that :)

Chips - the WWII Hero

2006-04-20T11:32:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Sonia for sending this story to me from the Hartsdale, NY Pet Cemetery.

In 1941, the United States was drowning in its anger after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. In waves of patriotism, Americans hurled themselves full force into the war effort - even sending their dogs to do battle.

One of the first dogs to be shipped overseas was Chips, the son of a part-shepherd, part-collie father and a northern sled-dog mother.

Chips first served in General Patton's brutal Africa campaign, then waded ashore with the 3rd Division of Patton's Seventh Army as it was swept into battle in Sicily. Chips was very popular with his buddies. Affectionate and with particularly keen senses of smell and hearing, he was also a nonconformist who would break rules when he felt danger, oblivious to what every soldier knows: breaking rules for any reason does not endear one to field commanders and high-ranking brass. Chips would later discover this and while he wouldn't care, his comrades would.

Shortly after Chips and the men had made their way ashore and established a beachhead on Sicily, the soldiers, thinking they were momentarily out of danger, slowly inched their way to an abandoned pillbox where they decided to take a short rest. Tired and weary, Chips, however, could not relax. His senses told him there was danger nearby and suddenly he broke away from his handler - violating a sacred rule - dashed across a stretch of No Man's Land. A bullet pierced his body, but he ignored the pain and threw himself into an enemy machine gun nest. The firing stopped. There was deadly silence, and for a moment Chips was not seen or heard. When his comrades got to the scene, they saw Chips holding onto the throat of the enemy gunner, and five other terrified men with their arms raised in surrender.

In tribute to Chips, the men he had saved were determined to honor him. Lieutenant Lucian Truscott, who later became a general, recommended Chips for the Silver Star and Purple Heart, citing how "his courageous action in single-handedly eliminating a dangerous machine-gun nest and causing the surrender of its crew had prevented injury and death to his men."

Though he never received these medals due to the fact that he had broken away from his handler and that he was a dog, not a human) Chips was always a hero in the hearts of the men he served with. Read more about Chips and other awesome dogs here.

Thanks for the great story Sonia!

May the blessed food fall from the table this weekend

2006-04-14T19:39:00.000-04:00

Whether it be Easter or Passover for your humans, there's always lots of good food around.

Hey dogs and cats! What do you hope falls from your humans' table? And are you expecting any special treats this weekend?

And will the Easter Bunny hold it against me that I was playing with those baby bunnies in the back yard and they went to sleep forever? Forgive and forget I always say, and God bless us every one.

Cal

Dogs - "Clean" or "Unclean?" What Say You?!

2006-03-30T22:32:00.000-05:00

Hey-oh, Call here again studying human behaviour. Today I was browsing through good ol' Wikipedia while taking a, well . . . while pooping (yes I take my laptop outside with me on cloudy days) my paw hit a key accidentally and up popped this article entitled "Unclean Animals."

It seems humans in different cultures view certain animals (like dogs for instance) as "unclean."

I've always thought of myself as a clean being myself. (Well, except that time I rolled in that dead badger downtown Frostbite Falls outside of FleeBee's Malts and Hardware store.)

What do you think about all of this? Do you consider any animals "unclean?"

And hey, I wonder if that dead badger I found would be considered "unclean?" I didn't see any cloven hooves or anything on him but my humans sure thought I was the uncleanest thing in the universe after I rolled in him last summer . . .

Cal

Lassie may be a diva, but she's never been a bitch

2006-03-26T18:05:00.000-05:00

Uncle Mason had a great time with his movie boy acting in the new Lassie movie last year. A lot of people don't realize that Lassie has always been played by a male because female collies shed a ton of hair every so often. (That's called "blowing your coat" in dog business lingo.)

And up until Mason was cast in this film, the role had always been played by a descendant of the first Lassie, a male collie named Pal. So Uncle M caused a bit of controversy at first. But it seems that has all been forgotten now that people are seeing how great an actor he can be. Here's an article from the Sydney Morning Herald with the latest from the folks who made the new Lassie . . .

Gao's heroic trek

2006-03-20T00:30:00.000-05:00

Gao is my all-time new dog hero. And Mr. Vanier did pretty good too! Read the story if you haven't heard about this great trek across Russia.

!

March in Frostbite Falls

2006-03-15T21:04:00.000-05:00

You know what? It's March in Frostbite Falls. And do you know what that means?

Time to go outside and . . . . . . .

Hang out in the snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Smell ya later, happy Winter from Frostbite Falls!

Cal

Hey dogs! What's the best thing you've ever eaten out of the garbage bin?

2006-02-25T13:30:00.000-05:00

The image of Snoopy on the far right was just like me yesterday. By some miracle, I just happened to find some marshmallows laying around. Well, actually they were in my humans' trash bin and in a bored state I ransacked the garbage bag inside. Along with the marshmallows there were some tasty chicken bones. For dessert, I found some M&M remnants ("memnants") and chewy clumps of oatmeal!

Yeah, I know I wasn't supposed to be in there, but hey, my humans left me home for over an hour and the time was ripe (and the food was too) for plundering.

It sure is lonely being left at home; but with food like that to keep you company, time passes faster for some reason.

Hey dogs! What's the best thing you've ever pulled out of your humans' garbage bin?

More Cheese, Gromit?

2006-02-13T13:41:00.000-05:00

Cheese - sometimes good, sometimes . . . well, here - take a look:

"The first qualitatively and quantitatively researched musical CD, based upon 200 canine participants' responses to what THEY would like to hear in songs!"

The problem is: I listened to samples on the site and I really related to "You're a good dog" and my sidekick kept playing it over and over and now it's stuck in my big fat canine head forever!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .

Cal

"Destry Writes/Rides an Oodle"

2006-02-08T15:10:00.000-05:00

You know, humans have had their way with dog DNA for some time now. A lot of us dogs are results of humans introducing a male dog that looks and acts a certain way to female dog (in heat) that looks and acts a certain way.

All in all, us dogs have in the past (and continue to) view this as a free dating service. But a recent note in the mailbag begs some interesting questions about just how far humans are going with this:

Destry from Nevada writes:

"What's all this fuss about "oodle" designer dogs? Aren't they just mongrels like the rest of us mutts? And why don't they cross me with one of them miniature poodles?"

Dear Destry,
For starters, nice photo dude. Second, you raise a great point of debate. The whole "oodle designer dog" thing was engineered by humans; unlike the T-Rex who lived way before humans and had natural selection to thank for all of it's endearing traits . . . (click the dino pic below to get a better view of that)

. . . unlike the T-Rex, the "labradoodle" was Australian dude Wally Conron's go at breeding dogs that don't shed hair (for people with allergies.) The Labradoodle started out as a simple cross between the Labrador Retriever and Standard Poodle or Miniature Poodle and is still widely the case in North America.

However, now the world has the pleasure of all of these:

Aussiedoodle (Australian Shepherd / Poodle mix)
Bich-poo (Bichon Frise / Poodle mix)
Boxerdoodle (Boxer / Poodle mix)
Broodle Griffon (Brussels Griffon / Poodle)
Cairnoodle (Cairn Terrier / Poodle mix)
Cavapoo (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel / Poodle mix)
Chi-Poo (Chihuahua / Poodle mix)
Chinese Crestepoo (Chinese Crested / Poodle mix)
Cockapoo (Cocker Spaniel / Poodle mix)
Daisy Dog (Bichon / Poodle/Shih-Tzu mix)
Doodleman Pinscher - (Doberman / Standard Poodle mix)
Doxiepoo (Dachshund / Poodle mix)
Eskapoo (American Eskimo Dog / Poodle mix)
English Boodle (English Bulldog / Poodle mix)
Foodle (Poodle / Toy Fox Terrier mix)
Goldendoodle (Golden Retriever / Poodle mix)
Labradoodle (Labrador Retriever / Poodle mix)
Lhasapoo (Lhasa Apso / Poodle mix)
Malti-Poo (Maltese / Poodle mix)
Miniature Goldendoodle (Golden Retriever / Toy or Miniature Poodle mix)
Papi-poo (Papillion / Poodle mix)
Pekepoo (Pekingese / Poodle mix)
Pomapoo(Pomeranian / Poodle mix)
Poochin (Japanese Chin / Poodle mix)
Pugapoo (Pug / Poodle mix)
Saint Berdoodle (Saint Bernard / Poodle mix)
Schnoodle (Schnauzer / Poodle mix)
Scoodle Scottish Terrier / Poodle mix)
Sheltidoodle (Sheltie / Poodle mix)
Shepadoodle (German Shepherd / Standard Poodle mix)
Shih-Poo (Shih-Tzu / Poodle mix)
Weimardoodle (Weimaraner / Poodle mix)
Westiepoo (Westie / Poodle mix)
Whoodles (Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier / Poodle mix)
Yorkipoo (Yorkie / Poodle mix)

. . . and more!

You know what Destry? After all is said and done, we are all mongrels, all us dogs and humans alike. And don't let anyone tell you any different. Now go out and find yourself a nice girl poodle and get busy!

By the way, bring that photo with you - the gals will go crazy when they see that, I'm sure . . .

Cal

What the? Year of the what?

2006-02-02T12:59:00.000-05:00

Don't you all agree that the Dog is the most likeable, honest and candid of all the Chinese zodiac animals? Could it be a year where balance and compromise will lead the way and humans will do more to look for deeper meaning in their lives? Will the year be filled with justice and fairplay for humans, overruling the lousy leaders humans have elected around the world?

Nahhhhhhhhhh!

Well . . .
maybe.
But think about it - what if you started thinking about everything you do in terms of optimism and warmth, insight and inspiration? Would things around you change? Would people start looking at you differently? Would you start to feel happier?

You would. 'Cause that's what most of us dogs do naturally and you can see how well it works for us. Yeah, we do sometimes have a funny way of showing it - like jumping on each other's back ends and humping them for no apparent reason; being obsessed with food of any kind and stuff like that. But deep down, we're connected to you and others around us in a deeper way than you allow yourselves to be connected.

This, the Year of the Dog, is your chance to shine humans. Now get to it, will ya? For yourself and those you love.

Ahhroooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Cal

Built-in Ball Obsession

2006-01-26T15:06:00.000-05:00

Well, this picture didn't turn out well:

I set the timer and told my pal Haley to come over and stand next to me. She was transfixed by the blinking light and HAD to go get a closer look. I think she thought they were tiny little balls. She does have a ball fixation. Ball this and ball that, here a ball, there a ball, well . . . you get the idea.

Which brings me to a question I recieved yesterday in the mailbag:

Arthur the golden retriever writes:
I'm obsessed with tennis balls, it's all I see, all I want, all I want to smell. I feel I'm missing out on other things in life such as enjoying pooping, peeing and smelling other dogs. When I see other dogs on TV, they are doing so many interesting things, like saving lives and finding bombs and stuff. What should I do?

Hi there Arthur, I have to say that after hanging out for over a year now with my pal Haley, that it is best to give in to your ball fixation and make it work within the context of your life. Realizing that you have this condition is the first step and it sounds like you at least have that going for you. Haley has tried everything and has found that if she imagines everything as a ball, she can find interest in that too. I realize this may run counter to any human psychological advice you may have heard and the TV shows you mentioned, but hey - life is just that way sometimes.

Inside your body's instruction manual called "DNA" lives a lot of stuff from your ancestors. Human beings have purposedly chosen the retrievers that have the trait you mention for purposes of hunting. I realize this may be tough news for you to hear, but it is high time someone told you. Yes, you are not a product of natural selection and your ball fixation is a result of humans marrying only dogs that have that obsession for purposes of easier training to fetch animals they shoot and kill.

Have you ever wondered why you are called a "retriever"? Yes, that's right. Now that it's all falling in place for you, you need to come to terms with your obsession and realize that it's not a weakness, but a strength. One more thing, HEY LOOK BEHIND YOU, THERE'S A BALL!!!! Just kidding.

Let me know you feel in a month or two Arthur, take care.

Cal

Ziggy the Parrot alerts his owner to cheating girlfriend

2006-01-17T16:31:00.000-05:00

Good old Ziggy the African Grey came through to alert his owner in several ways to a sneaky girlfriend who was seeing another guy. I love this story!

"Hiya Gary"
*smmmoooooooooch*

I gotta stop laughing cause this is kinda serious . . . Ahahahahahaahahahhahhah *bark* *cough* *sputter* pheewwwww! Let the truth be told. *quiet bark* ahhhhhh . . .

Cal

Tune in, sniff out

2006-01-13T07:00:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again. What? Superbowl? No way!

http://www.akc.org/invitational/2006/jan/index.cfm

Look for Knotty!

Go dogs, go dogs, go dogs, go dogs, go, go, go, go, go dogs, go dogs . . .

Tune into Animal Planet or Discovery Channel this weekend.

Cal

Lassie is back - Ahhroooooooooooooooo!

2006-01-09T16:45:00.000-05:00

Uncle M looks great in the new Lassie movie. (Lassie is played by a boy dog again, and my uncle didn't need to get a sex change! They did have to tape up some of his dangly bits, though.)

Rumour has it that Peter O'Toole even shared his brandy with the dogs during shooting on cold days.

You can get a peek at the trailer by clicking on the picture on the left.

I'd like to clone a question for $1000, Alex

2005-12-30T00:45:00.000-05:00

Supposedly the dog on the right is Snuppy's surrogate mother and the bitch on the left is the mother and clone source. But is the disgraced scientist pulling a fast one?

http://news.com.com/Koreas+cloned+canine--a+shaggy+dog+story/2100-11395_3-6011978.html

And what about that eyebrow on the one side?

What do YOU think? And why are cats are easier to clone than dogs? Could it be that dogs are more complex genetically? Do you have an answer? Do you have any potato chips? Will I ever stop asking questions? Does a bear poop giant poodoos in the woods? Does Astrid really brush her teeth less than three times a day?!

Cal the wondering dog

How fast can you run? And does neutering affect speed?

2005-12-21T02:21:00.000-05:00

Me and my pal Dudley were approaching light speed today when we were chasing each other. We have several budding young human scientists in the neighborhood that say so. (Ranging between the ages of 9 and 11 years old.)

Hey dogs! How fast can you run?

And interestingly enough (though you may not realize the linkages between speed and male body parts) there is a related question in the . . .

Mailbag:
Boris the German Shepherd from Madison, WI asks:
"Hey Cal, what should I get my pal Jake (a German Shepherd) for Christmas? He just got neutered."

Well, I, Cal the speedy Wunderhund, have to say that timing IS everything. I just read about Neuticals, prosthetic testicals for dogs. Some of my friends are a lot slower since they were neutered. I am still quite intact and no one is touching me! But in case I wake up one day and they are gone there are always Neuticals. Perhaps just having something down there is what gives you the speed boost. No scientific testing has been done on this so it's anybody's guess.

So Boris, I suggest you get Jake some Neuticals and tell him that he still has a chance to impress the girls even though the Neuticals may not bring back the velocity and give him the speed he once had.

Cal

Who has the cleaner mouth, a dog or a human?

2005-12-14T15:01:00.000-05:00

This breaking story of a dog being saved by a human performing mouth-to-snout resuscitation is a nice example of how we dogs and humans can use each other's know-how to help each other. Way to go firefighter; not only did you save a life, you were fortunate to taste what that dog had been eating and licking throughout the day - a bonus!

This reminds me of a question that has humaned (and dogged) everybody for over a century.

Humans: Did your mom ever tell you something like this: "A dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's mouth." And that it is like an antiseptic environment in there?
Dogs: Did your mom ever tell you that human's mouths were disgusting, but worth the risk to lick do to the fact that there might be food they brought home with them on there?

This brings me to today's pick from the mailbag:

Otto the White Shepherd from Cambridge asks:
"Which is cleaner, a dog's mouth or a human's?"

I, Cal the Wonderdog will try to speak to this matter (after I go lick that greenish brown goo on the floor over there . . .

Okay, I'm back. Here are some observations to help us form a plan of action. First, how do we use our tongues?

Us dogs use our tongues as:

Washcloths
Toiletpaper
A way to "smell" unusual objects on the ground
As a precursor to eating or chewing anything we find anywhere that looks like it might hold promise, no matter how green or slimy it might be.

Humans use their tongues:

To lick ice cream
To kiss each other sometimes
As a general tasting mechanism before eating things we love too (except citrus fruits - blechhhhh!)
To stick on frozen metal outside in the wintertime (okay, maybe not this one so much)

We all have helpful bacteria and other goodness in our saliva to deal with all the germs we come across so it's hard to say whose is really cleaner and I expect it varies from dog to dog and human to human. My advice is to keep on licking humans mouths (inside if you get the chance). The benefit is far greater that the risk.

So dogs, I'd like to hear from you: What do YOU think? Also, let your humans read this and tell us what they think. In the meantime, carry on licking what you will . . .

Cal

Today my brain is frozen from sleeping outside too long

2005-12-06T22:31:00.000-05:00

Ok, after my nap outside today (what was my human thinking - it's #$%*#@! freezin!) Then I got to go for a ride in the car and it was so cold I stuck to the seat - even when the car slid on the ice and turned end over end!! See:

Ok, maybe not. Really, it's me Cal getting hold of my human's camera while he went into a store to do some Christmas shopping. Just after I set the timer on the camera it fell and took this picture. I couldn't do that again in a million years. Maybe a trillion or even a Godzillion.

Mailbag:
PeeWee the Mastiff sent me the link to dogdoo.com where you can get hand-crafted poop, the most realistic dog poop money can buy. No thanks P, I make my own.

On second thought, I'll take a Grande Mocha PooPoo Latte with a splash of cinnamon, light on the froth please . . .

Super Colossal Lights and Display Contest? Good Grief.

2005-12-03T08:42:00.000-05:00

Take this link to see:
The winning entry in any Christmas Lights and Display Contest

A case of milk bones to any dog that can top this.

Thanks Haley, now I'll never brag about my polar bears again . . .

Pack of black squirrels kill dog in park

2005-12-02T18:35:00.000-05:00

OMD! Could this be true?! I realize there is a shortage of pine cones, nuts, and berries this year in that part of Russia, but really!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4489792.stm

Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect 200 Pesos

2005-11-30T09:13:00.000-05:00

On this bank robbery attempt in El Salvador - any dog could show them a thing or two about how to dig the right way to get to a bone (or money.)

Their tunnel collapsed and the police caught 'em red-faced and about to pass out from heat exhaustion.

The human criminal mind is a dank place indeed . . .

Here's the poop:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4483926.stm

Human spelled backwards is "namuh" which sounds biblical but really isn't

2005-11-24T08:17:00.000-05:00

Thanks to The Kid for sending this comic to me. (Click it to see it bigger)

Makes you want to treat us dogs' poop with a little more respect, huh?

Happy Thanksgiving people in the U.S. and Happy Peace week to all the world!

Cal

And speaking of poop, here's a plug for Triumph (wait a minute, that didn't come out right . . .)

2005-11-17T21:13:00.000-05:00

Good old Triumph is at it again, this time at "The Comedy Festival November 17th, 18th & 19thin Las Vegas. Did you know that T's father, a toy Rottweiler, sang in Yiddish Theater, and his mother (a sleek Afghan) looks like Celine Dion?

And his non-musical sister smells like Christina Aguilera! Now how cool is that? As usual, get the latest here.

The Art of Pooping

2005-11-14T11:36:00.000-05:00

This is Peroshki. He loves to poop in plants; any bush, hasta or bunch of weeds will do.

I've learned a lot from Peroshki. But . . . I've put my own spin and style on his technique. Although my human sidekick has not yet captured the deed on camera, I have taken Piroshki's art and made it my own.

Trees. Yes my friends, trees. I lift my leg on the tree - most humans think I'm peeing on it, but I'm not! While resting one paw up the tree trunk as far as my back leg will reach, it's then (and only then) that I start pooping.

After completion I step back in amazement and look at my creation - pure art. Then, I just wait for a passerby to stop and wonder, "how did that poop get on that tree like that?"

So, I have to ask, how and where do you poop?

Hey dogs! What's your favorite human food?

2005-11-09T12:15:00.000-05:00

The seasons bring in food that isn't usually around all year. In the fall, one of the things you don't see all year is caramel apples. I was lucky to have chomped down some pieces of caramel apple from my human boy the other day. While it's not meat, I think it's one of my favorite foods of all time!

Hey dogs, what is your favorite HUMAN food?

Cal

Looking out over Frostbite Falls

2005-11-07T17:31:00.000-05:00

What a great Summer and Fall this has been. I have a favorite place I like to look out over Frostbite Falls before they start to freeze over. Having lived to a ripe old age of one and a half years, this is where I sit and reflect upon the many months, trials and tribulations, worries and joys, blah and blah, and then blah, blah, blah. (Ahhh . . . saved once again by the good old bark-to-typalator)

When I was young I used to think the strangest things were important. Now I realize its down to a couple of things. How stuff smells and tummy rubs. And treats. Oh, and don't forget running and playing. And that's all I need.

And this greenie. And that's it, that's ALL. And this - this old stuffed goose toy. That's it, that's all . . . . oh, and this fuzzy ball, and this bowl right here for my food and occasional Guinness. And this rug, my favorite thing to lay on, oh, and this milk bone right here and this lamp . . .

Tribute from a Jack Russell

2005-11-07T09:34:00.000-05:00

Here's a great story about a connection between humans and dogs, what do you think it means?

http://i-newswire.com/pr49450.html

Post Halloween High

2005-11-03T19:14:00.000-05:00

I tell you, the human boy in my pack left some candy laying around and dog was it great! Smarties, a Nut Goodie, two bags of gummi baren and, well, I don't know what was in that big round wrapper, but it made my tummy feel a bit queezy - AWESOME!

All in all, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and the turkey bits that will fall to the floor and the cranberry sauce that will be all over the mouths of the kids ready to lick off. Oh and then there's Christmas! Have to go now and take a nap and to dream about turkey and cranberry sauce and big bones wrapped in Santa Claus paper . . .

Something wacky this way comes - Happy Halloween!

2005-10-31T20:43:00.000-05:00

So, is it time yet?

This is me manning (dogging) my post . . .

There are some kids across the street, they'll be here any minute. Get the milk bones ready, I mean the candy . . .

But wait, Spiderman needs a beer . . .

Who is this creature and what does she eat for breakfast? As you can see, all the kids are afraid to come to that door for fear of catching the spider-mojo and having to dance the tarantella all night until they collapse in a heap-a-oh-way-no-why.

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-MA-ma-mah!

Kids, kids and more kids, they queued up for hours!!!

Isn't Halloween the best? *sigh*
One more piece of trick-or-treat venison jerky and I'm out like a light
Farewell all you kids and to all a good night!

Who is this?

2005-10-27T08:07:00.000-04:00

I'll give you one guess . . .

Got it yet?

Fashion statement

2005-10-25T20:35:00.000-04:00

I can understand killing other animals cause you're hungry and they taste good, but for "fashion"? (And not very interestion fashion most of the time)
http://www.banlegholdtraps.com/home.htm

Thanks to Scampi the Doberman for sending this in all the way from Toronto.

Which position do you sleep in?

2005-10-20T21:53:00.000-04:00

After a long run sometimes I can stay awake for fifteen minutes in this position before I give up and roll over on my back and start snoring away. Hey dogs, which position do you usually sleep in? And do you snore?

The ultimate sensory experience

2005-10-13T09:43:00.000-04:00

Some days I like to just listen, watch, and smell things. To the canine mind, there's nothing better than nature to give the best sense-around experience. You get multi-channel audio, 360 degree picture with visual that is highly adjustable and can pivot up, down, left, right, and any combination in-between. AND there's the best part that no one can beat with any technology - SMELL! I challenge any scientist to recreate an experience better than just observing and taking in nature on a fall day in Frostbite Falls.

Darth Dog et al

2005-10-10T21:16:00.000-04:00

To the left is what my family THINKS I am going to dress up like for Halloween. Don't you think the helmet is a bit lame?

And below are my sidekicks getting ready to play chess. What is it with this Star Wars thing anyway? I think every kid around here is going to be a Jedi this Halloween. Hey, what are you going to dress up as this year??

As falls Niagara Falls, so falls Fall in Frostbite Falls

2005-10-10T07:20:00.000-04:00

It's getting very cool here in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota. I can feel the north wind starting to wake up. This is the time I like walking around in the woods and watching all the animals get ready for winter.

The squirrels are hiding nuts, the bears are getting sleepy, the moose . . . well the moose don't do anything different, the geese are flying south, the mice are trying to get into warm houses, and the humans are busy driving each other crazy trying to figure out which box in the basement their winter hats, gloves, and coats are in.

I can't wait for the first snow! Now what should I be for Halloween, that's coming not too long from now, hmmmmm . . .

Brambles and the Hawk - Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

2005-10-06T20:07:00.000-04:00

In the UK, a hawk hired to chase away seagulls tried to carry away Brambles the dog! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And of course: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! And don't forget Mamamamamamamamama! (Thanks Spongebob and Patrick)

Here's the link to the story:

http://www.eveningtimes.co.uk/hi/news/5044289.html

And here's a picture of a Hawk. Hey, where are the talons? And where is poor Brambles anyway?! Maybe eaten by the hawk or under the hood or something.

Sheeeeez. Wish these news stories would have better pictures sometimes. Did I tell you that I'm an excellent driver? Wopner's on. Wopner's definitely on . . .

Santa gets a settlement after fighter plane noise kills "Rudolph"

2005-09-29T21:23:00.000-04:00

This one brought a tear to me eye . . .
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/4295968.stm

What do you think, are they talking 'bout the real Santa or are they messing with us?

Hmmmmmm... thoughts anyone?

Missing dog turns out to be a stuffed animal

2005-09-25T23:35:00.000-04:00

Man do humans care about dogs. Even stuffed animal dogs! Although this story ended happily, the humans could've been out helping a real dog instead. Silly humans . . .

Farewell good knights, until next year

2005-09-10T20:32:00.000-04:00

All good things must come to an end, even the Frostbite Falls Renaissance Festival. As the knights stow their armor and the damsels change their gowns for jeans, all Renaissance DOGS will be gnawing the last of the giant turkey drumsticks and licking their last bowl of ale clean.

Farewell good knights, farewell lovely ladies, goodbye dogs in funny hats, so long horribly fakey English accents. Until Fall of 2006 . . . .

*sigh*

How to find companion animals after a disaster

2005-09-10T13:48:00.000-04:00

What a great service! Animal Emergency Response Network

Bang, bang, bing-bang

2005-09-07T23:37:00.000-04:00

It's been bang bang bing-bang around here for the last couple of weeks. Seems the alpha female needed a giant space to make food in or something and the alpha male likes her cooking so much he said "yes." And I'm learning lots of stuff about construction - like how treated wood leaves an aftertaste in your mouth that doesn't go away for days; not to step in wet cement when they are pouring the basement floor; and how to goose someone real hard with my nose when they're not paying any attention to me due to the noise. I'm makin' lemonade outta lemons here people!

Anyway, you don't see me in my back yard 'cause its a total construction zone complete with subcontractors that wear their jeans down below their booty crack (not that there's anything wrong with that.) But don't worry, I'm in the front yard playing with my pal Dudley the Chocolate Lab (the kind that's not made out of chocolate and is not allowed to eat any chocolate.)

bark (All-purpose chewable object that breaks off from a vertical log, etc., et al . . .)

2005-08-31T23:04:00.000-04:00

Cal here to say something about the similarity between kids and dogs. As you can see in the picture below, both kids and dogs love to play with long thin objects made of wood or plastic. The kids call theirs "lightsabers" and smash them together and fall down on the ground making loud noises simulating the death of their favorite hero or bad guy. Us dogs like to simply call all long thin objects made of wood or plastic *bark!*

[editor's: note: the bark-to-typolator could not find a match for this bark of Cal's, closest in meaning I can find in the canine lexicon Cal has developed in his many months of painstaking work is something along the order of: "All-purpose chewable object that breaks off from a vertical log or is made from hardened non-biodegradable petroleum distillates and is best when shared with my friend Dudley the Chocolate Lab when he isn't being completely lazy."]

Needless to say, no matter how you define it, *bark*(s) are completely awesome.

Medieval Madness

2005-08-25T14:43:00.000-04:00

The Renaissance Festival in Frostbite Falls is lots of fun. Not because you get to see jousting and listen to people with really faky English accents, but because there are those huge turkey drumsticks and humans that leave their beer cups on the ground so I can drink my fill of cheap American light beer.

The knight in the picture above was eventually knocked to the ground by the other knight and got the tar beat out of him and bashed over the head with his own shield! Very violent, but all the humans thought is was dreadful fun. I have a lot to learn about human behavour. In the meantime, I don't care about that as long as they keep the food and drink a-comin'. (Hic)

Here's me all relaxed and stuff after gorging on turkey drumstick and cheap light American malt bubbly

Sticks are also for eating

2005-08-23T15:14:00.000-04:00

Sometimes there's nothing like a big stick! I'll have this whittled down to a toothpick by dinnertime. No time to type now (munch crunch crack . . .)

How to play with a human pup

2005-08-21T07:51:00.000-04:00

Human pups play just like dog pups. This one here who was passing by when Dudley and I were playing the other day, likes to grab the stick from one of us and run away with it.

He has a distinct advantage though - everytime we try to jump and grab it, the other humans start yelling at us. So all we can do is watch and wait for him to throw it or present it for tug of war or something. And we always have to resist the urge to knock him down or grab the stick too close to his hands, cause we get yelled at for that too. Lots of rules when we play with human pups, lots of rules. But its well worth it cause usuallly they have snacks with them or something on their face we get to lick off. Fair trade, I think for us being so patient . . .

Humans vote Sam the "world's most ugliest dog"

2005-08-17T21:46:00.000-04:00

Humans may think he's ugly, but he's just beautiful in a different way. And he gets the life of a king including gourmet meals and bottled water.

Click the picture to read all about this champion of a different sort.
http://www.woai.com/news/local/story.aspx?content_id=514BCCEB-004E-4848-925F-CEDE50C77AC9

Choco-choco-choco-lait Labs

2005-08-17T15:34:00.000-04:00

Here are two of my buds - Matty and Dudley. They're both Chocolate Labs but man are they different! Take for instance, tongue size. Matty's tongue is only halfway out in this picture and when its out all the way you could hang pots and pans on that thing. Another thing is that Matty is way faster of a runner than Dudley. I like to have retrievers around 'cause they run after inanimate objects and I herd them back in towards the humans; works out well for all of us.

BTW, just because they are Chocolate Labs that doesn't mean they get to eat chocolate. I just found that out yesterday . . .

Human pups are so ca-yute!

2005-08-14T12:46:00.000-04:00

Aren't human puppies cute? Here's are two in my neighborhood. What do you think each of them is thinking in this picture?

Sticks are for sharing

2005-08-13T15:30:00.000-04:00

When I'm not doing dog physics, I like to play with other dogs. Dudley here is a good friend of mine; most of the time our playing involves us both grabbing the same small stick and running together fast. Here in this picture we're resting for a minute.

As I'm the only herding dog in the neighborhood, it's a challenge to live around; you see, all the other dogs love to chase inanimate objects, whereas I would rather chase mammals and being the only one rounding everybody up, that makes for a full and tiring day sometimes.

Hey dogs, what kinds of games do you play with other dogs?

y = k + (d * r) The dog to fish acceleration relationship

2005-08-09T12:36:00.000-04:00

Lately the fish seem to be out deeper, so that means finding new ways to catch them. Today I'm contemplating jumping off the dock and lunging at them - element of surprise and all of that.

If I can only find a way around Chico's Universal Law #28 which states that the acceleration of a dog is proportionally and algorithmically related to the acceleration of a fish. (Chico was Al Einstein's dog - so never mind that "algorithmically" isn't a real word, we make our own rules.)

Here's the equation that represents this relationship: y=k+(d*r) - whereas y = the fish's speed; k = the dog's speed; d = desire (calculated as the difference between the fish's desire to escape and the dog's desire to catch the fish) and r = the MFAV (Mysterious Fish-Acceleration Variable)

Unfortunately, the equation has yielded a wide range of results and therefore it remains hard to find any practical application for this seemingly brilliant bit of physics. Also, unlike Chico's other universal laws, there is a margin of error of about +/- 20%.

Obviously, Einstein's dog needed to cut through the crap a bit more on this one. But, alas, he died while he was working on it and the above equation (affectionately known among dog physicists as "CUL28") is all we have to work with.

If there is anyone reading this that has any ideas to improve the equation or my fish-catching chances, I would greatly appreciate a comment to this post. I'm especially interested in ways to curve space so I might cut the fish off at the pass, so to speak.

One more thing, because I live so far north, there's a time limit here - not sure how many summer days are left, so hurry please!

Cal

Captain's dog, Lakedate 90505.12

2005-08-05T14:22:00.000-04:00

Been trying to nap, but animals continue to try to sneak up on me as they have all summer long. Yes, up here, way-north of Frostbite Falls, there are wild animals to watch out for. Squirrels, meese, bear dudes, dogs, geese, a beaver and two eagles came by today. I wish they would tiptoe past instead of making so much #!&$%# racket.

How's everybody else's summer going? And type your comments quietly, I'm trying to sleep here!

Geese are good food

2005-08-03T09:38:00.000-04:00

Geese coming to visit today. They seem very confident that I'm not coming out there . . . My lab friend Rocky says they taste very good. But how to sneak up on them?

Taming the beast

2005-07-31T15:21:00.000-04:00

Well, construction has started on the new addition. It's so nice that my humans are doing this for me. Below is a picture of the noisy beast I made friends with after the crew knocked off at the end of the day.

I barked at him a few times to tell him not to make so much noise and to stop digging up my yard. So far he's been cooperating through the weekend. And just to the left in this picture is a giant hole which I plan on exploring later today.

You know, when I was a puppy, I might have thought about an addition a bit differently (click to see this close up)

But now, I think having more rooms to lie around inside during those long winter months will be just fine.

Summertime, and the livin's easy . . .

2005-07-29T23:41:00.000-04:00

Summer at the lake is one adventure after another. Here's a picture my friend Rocky and me blasting through the water looking for fish.

Funny thing about fish, really - the faster you move toward them, the faster they swim away from you, it's like some exponential curve or something. Like trying to achieve light-speed, you can never quite catch them. Oh well, that leaves something for tomorrow's adventure . . .

Dogs can change the way humans think about things

2005-07-28T09:20:00.000-04:00

Here's a heartwarming look at how a stray dog brought some new thinking to how one human thinks about life. Older article, but very interesting. Thanks to Jen for emailing this to me.

Click the picture to read the story:

The real meat of dog blogs

2005-07-26T11:05:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I think about the importance of dogs keeping weblogs. This strip shows how humans fail to see the subtlely and significance of why those of us in Sam's dog blog list keep these things. (well maybe lately most of us are slowing down on this stuff - hey it's Summer!)

Thanks to The Kid for sending this to me.
(Click to enlarge)

Peter O'Toole July interview excerpt / The new Lassie movie

2005-07-15T10:00:00.000-04:00

"What's the old cliche?", Peter O'Toole asked in a recent interview with Time Magazine: "Don't act with children and dogs? Well, try children, dogs, horses and hounds, coal miners, and a fox. Try acting with that lot, which I did the other day. Verrrrry tricky." Peter is also starring in Casanova this year, more on that here.

Below the picture of Petey is an excerpt from the article about the new Lassie movie and there is a mention of my Uncle M, one of the three collies playing Lassie in the movie.

Interview Excerpt:

. . . Actually, three collies named Carter, Mason and Dakota share the part. "We have the stunt dog, the running dog and the picture dog," trainer Mathilde de Cagny whispers. "We do a little bit of makeup on the picture dog to darken him up. He's lighter than the others, so we had a special dog colorist from Los Angeles come in. She has vegetable dyes that do the trick." No makeup can disguise the fact that all three Lassies are male. "We count on the fur to hide that," says de Cagny. A strange business indeed.

Perhaps because there are three of them, the dogs are not the biggest stars on the set. "The fox is completely breathtaking," says Sturridge. "In your soul you know that a dog can be trained, and you think, Well, no, not a fox. So when you see a fox run and stop exactly where you've told it to stop, you go, For f____'s sake, that is amazing."

O'Toole, as the duke who buys Lassie from a struggling coal-mining family and takes the dog away to his Scottish manse, is not as easy to control, but he is a significantly better quote. With little prompting, he tells stories about growing up near the Yorkshire Dales ("We used to pee at the junction of the Ribble and Aire rivers to see whose would go to the Irish Sea and whose would go to the North Sea!"), ignoring the advice of theater directors and mocking "gibberish spouting" method actors. "When you're playing Hamlet, and you and Horatio are up on the battlements, Horatio says, 'But, look, the morn in russet mantle clad/ Walks o'er the dew of yon high eastward hill.' Well, it isn't! You're looking at Charlie the prop man with a fag in his gob. It's pretend, for God's sake!"

O'Toole retired from the theater in 1999 ("Playing a leading role is too exhausting, and I won't shuffle on as an old butler. I won't."), and because of his age and accomplishments, he tends to get typecast in boringly prestigious movie roles, such as Priam in 2004's Troy. "I spent the film slithering around in a piece of old chiffon," he says sadly. Sturridge wrote the part of Lassie's duke to give O'Toole a chance to let loose again. "I wanted a character who was both exciting to children and at the same time dangerous," says Sturridge. "I had Peter in mind, and it has been great to see him use his anarchic energy again." O'Toole appreciates the opportunity but understands that "the film isn't about me, it's about the dog. Admittedly, the dog isn't all that good an actor, but with the right cuts and perhaps a lamb chop, we'll get the job done."

"Put on the dog" and stay cool at the same time

2005-07-12T15:48:00.000-04:00

Rally the Shelty sent an email to me saying "In the summer heat you can "put on the dog" (look fancy) and get cool at the same time." Here's a link to some people that make "cool coats" that keep dogs from overheating in the summertime.

http://www.pettemp.com

I haven't tried one yet, but I want one for my birthday 'cause it's so hot here, I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking. (bu-dum-bum) That's an old Henny Youngman joke.

"Putting on the dog" was something I hadn't heard before Rally brought it up in his note, so I checked into it. The phrase dates back to American college slang of the 1860’s. At about the same time, the adjective "doggy" was a popular slang term that meant ‘attractively stylish; costly; fancy’.

Believe it or not, the first hot dogs were called “Doggy hots”- they were fancier than regular sausages. And "Put on the dog" might connected to the fact wealthy ladies had lapdogs as pets and had them with them everywhere, even when sitting for portraits.

Hey, my friend Haley is here. Gotta go play for two minutes then lay in the shade for an hour . . .

Mon Titi - French beer for dogs

2005-07-11T22:09:00.000-04:00

Rumour has is that Fischer is going to reintroduce it's Mon Titi beer for dogs. I think they should also introduce Milk Bones for humans cause I think many of them would appreciate those as much as dogs would like beer. And besides wouldn't they both go so well together?

Disguises for the so-called "dangerous breeds"

2005-07-08T15:53:00.000-04:00

Thanks so much to Andrea S. for making me aware of this much-needed service for owners of so-called "dangerous breeds."

Though you would never know if you passed him on the street, the cute doggie in the picture below is actually a Doberman disguised as a Poodle.

Other kits transforming Mastiffs into Sheepdogs or German Shepherds into Golden Retrievers can be found here:
http://www.attackchi.org.au/kits.htm
They say this: "Laws restricting Dangerous Dogs are good.
Laws restricting whole Breeds of Dog who have done nothing wrong are bad."

Looks like the Aussies have a jump on us Yanks as usual on innovations for dogs. Just another bit of genius from the folks down under . . .

Denver "pit bulls" euthanasia plan

2005-07-07T10:35:00.000-04:00

The latest round of the anti-pit bull movement in Denver has humans making the rounds at dog shelters and euthanizing all "pit bull" dogs and mixes.

Click the pic for the story:

Firecrackers and dogs

2005-07-06T10:20:00.000-04:00

In Alabama, Kaylee, a Jack Russell terrier went after a firecracker and was killed by the blast. I am so sad about this.

Humans, please be careful!

Thanks to Jib and Honey from Montgomery for sending this in. Here's a link to the article

Rescue dogs

2005-06-27T10:23:00.000-04:00

It's always a good idea to keep an eye out for humans when they go out on a windsurfer or a boat. Without us dogs on the watercraft to protect them, I feel a little uneasy. So Kenai and I wait on the dock and get ready to rescue them in case of emergency.

I'm not sure how to rescue anyone, but Kenai says that an important part is barking to let everyone know there is danger. But I think maybe we should jump in and drag them to shore or something. Just a thought.

Obviously, there's lots of responsibility being rescue dogs here at the lake . . .

Dog paddle, dog paddle, dog paddle your kayak . . .

2005-06-24T09:44:00.000-04:00

Hmmm, you think a dog could paddle one of these? I like boats a lot but this one looks too wobbly for me. Hope everyone's having a great Summer.

Tips on catching fish needed

2005-06-14T13:23:00.000-04:00

There's nothing better than hanging out at the lake with a buddy. This is me and Kenai; she's teaching me how to catch fish.

Actually, she's never caught a live one in all of 11 years of fishing, but she's the resident expert and has seen and done a lot of cool stuff (including dragging a giant dead bloated fish up on the shore last Fall which was so cool.)

Anyway, I just follow Kenai around and jump in the water with her and try to pick up any tips on watching and keeping track of fish. Kenai says that if you wait for just the right moment when a fish is swimming around your feet, you might catch it by lunging at it with your jaws snapping. Like I said, she's never caught a live one, so I'm thinking I need to improve on her technique a bit to improve my chances.

Have any of you dogs ever caught a live fish? If so, how did you do it?

Bottoms up

2005-06-07T13:56:00.000-04:00

Now that Summer weather is upon us (finally) here in Frostbite Falls, conversations are turning to the finer points of life - dog parks, baseball, and beer. And as Sam the All-Black German Shepherd can tell you, beer can be pretty tasty with your favorite snack. Perhaps a drinking vessel something like this German Shepherd beer stein would strike Sam's human's fancy:

Now, while Old Leghumper is my human's fave ale of all time, his and my top Summer drink is Guinness.

Now, we all know that Guinness is good for humans, packed with vitamins, less alcohol than watered-down American-made stouts, and it has low calorie content. So the next question is what should they drink it out of?

A pub pint glass is standard and probably best; but dogs, this summer you might tell your humans to think about something a bit more interesting. As for me, I prefer Guinness (in small quantities of course) in a ceramic bowl - very refreshing after a giant Greenie. (By the way, for info on dog-beer connections and my human's fave ale - "Old Leghumper", see "On the Remarkable Number of Dog-beer Connections.)

And here is an interesting Golden Retriever stein (for Charlie's humans):

And for those nights when a single-malt is just the thing your human needs, how about a nifty dog shot glass? (comes in 56 breeds)

Anyway, off to nap in the sandbox all this warm weather makes me sleepy. Now where was I in that last nap, ahh yes dreaming of a giant Greenie and a cool bowl of Guinness . . .

New Lassie movie update

2005-06-06T16:29:00.000-04:00

Hey here's my Uncle M!

He's playing Lassie in the new movie and this picture was taken when he was taking a break from the hectic schedule on the beautiful grounds of a historic house in Ireland where the new movie is being filmed.

Uncle M got to hang out in these cool gardens around Killruddery House in Co Wicklow. Peter O'Toole and Samantha Morton get to be in the film with Uncle M and he is having a great time.

Ed the producer said they are 11 days into shooting the movie in Ireland for three-and-a-half weeks around this house then they go to the Isle of Man for a three weeks, then who knows?
My uncle isn't allowed to tell me anything else so I guess we'll have to wait until the movie comes out to get the stories.

I'm just guessing, but I bet Peter O is sharing his brandy with Uncle M :)

Pluto the biped poodle

2005-06-03T13:35:00.000-04:00

Humans love it when non-human animals act like them. In fact, in Japan, humans go banuts over this. So, it's not surprising that Pluto the poodle made the news recently. Pluto began walking on two legs two years ago - when his human was out taking him for a walk, he made Pluto stand up like other children when they were using a crosswalk.

Sometimes Pluto's human has him walking on his back legs for distances over 1km. I just hope Pluto's hips are ok when he's older, if not we need to open up a can of whoopass and pour it all over his human. Here's the story . . .

http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/news/20050601p2a00m0dm011000c.html

Is this a dog?

2005-06-01T11:22:00.000-04:00

My 8 year old boy pack member says this character was inspired by a real dog. Could it be true?

Well, instead of watching Lassie saving Timmy from the well again, it might be fun to watch a dog-like character save the galaxy.

Hey, that gives me an idea for a story that might make an interesting movie - Lassie and Chewie save Timmy from falling into a black hole. Didn't someone once say "every dog has a book inside him waiting to be written?"

Ok, let's see:
A long time ago, in a dog park far, far away . . . .
type type type type,
type type type type . . .

Peter O'Toole & the new Lassie movie

2005-05-31T11:53:00.000-04:00

I don't know much 'bout Mr. O'Toole, I just hope he's good enough to be in a movie with all those great dog actors. My humans say he's pretty great or something. Just in case he can't hold his own in the crowd of Lassies filming over there in Ireland right now, I sent him an email telling him to put lots of treats in his pocket cause he's going to be hanging out with all those dogs working up an appetite.

Here's an article that talks a bit about Mr. O'Toole and the role that could make him a huge star (my humans say he already is but I've never heard of him, have you?)

http://jam.canoe.ca/Movies/2005/05/23/1052634-ap.html

Lazing on a Saturday afternoon

2005-05-29T01:06:00.000-04:00

Nothing like a good stretch after a long Saturday afternoon nap. After this I ran for about 4 miles next to my humans as they biked. The weather has been rainy and cool here in Frostbite Falls, but the sun broke out Saturday afternoon and it was a clear evening. Hope everyone is having a great weekend. Cal

How to stay at the dog park longer . . .

2005-05-27T09:00:00.000-04:00

Ok, listen up, here's the plan. If we stay just far enough away from the humans, we don't have to go home today. If they reach for you, just dodge and duck. And whatever you do, don't fall for that treat business - it's just a ploy to get the leash back on you and get you back in the car . . .

Wagging the right body part

2005-05-25T13:50:00.000-04:00

"The reason dogs have so many friends is because they wag their tails instead of their tongues." (unknown author)

DNA tests would nail poopitrators in Austria

2005-05-23T15:35:00.000-04:00

A council member in Vienna proposes a DNA registry for dogs, so when humans don't pick up their dogs droppings, a poop squad can run tests and nail the poopitrators.

Get the scoop here: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/7954028/

Interpret this

2005-05-13T09:40:00.000-04:00

While it takes a real brain to decode what I am saying in the picture below, there are some technologies being developed that help humans try to "decode" animal sounds.

The latest service being offered along these lines is being hosted by KTF Corporation, a South Korean mobile phone company that has a way for dog owners to know whether their dogs are feeling happy or sad using their mobile phone as an interface.

Here's how it works: First, a human connects to the internet with their cell phone and registers information about their dogs (e.g. breed and age.) The human asks the dog to bark into the phone, the service records the bark, does some pattern matching against sound files in a database and sends text messages over the phone to the human about how their dog is feeling ("I am happy" or "I am frustrated.") I'm guessing this builds on the same sound-recognition technology set created by Sony and others to "interpret" sounds.

While this may work in obvious situations (hey, my dog is anxious) I have to think that if the human can't read his own dog's obvious cues, there is a serious problem with that human's awareness! And because of the more subtle cues that a dog includes in their communications (facial gestures, movements, variations in pitch and tone of the sounds perceptible by a brain but not one of these primitive systems) this service to "decode" a dog's bark will have a huge error rate.

But the fun factor is high (at least for one or two tries) and another thing I like about it is the idea that humans are spending the time to try to figure out how to better communicate with the dog(s) that live with them.

Close Encounters of the Furred Kind

2005-05-12T10:10:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, the next Wallace & Gromit movie will be Curse Of The Were-Rabbit, which is in production and due to be released this fall. You can read the latest about it on the BBC site by taking the link below (within a story about John Cleese hooking up with the Aardman animation folks for a movie about prehistoric life in northern Europe.) Check it out!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4512099.stm

Karass

2005-05-11T14:06:00.000-04:00

New friends and old friends! New smells, new moves, new challenges. Old friends becoming new in different turns of events.

Like Kurt Vonnegut's invention of a karass (in Cat's Cradle) I always wonder every time I meet someone, whether or not their lives will intersect with mine again. And if so how often and with what impact? Each connection has the possibilities of throwing us onto a completely new road or way of thinking. Know what I mean?

In Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, a "karass" is a one of many teams of beings that are organized to do "God's Will" without ever discovering what they are doing. Every karass has a purpose, or "wampeter", of which the members are almost surely not aware.

Baby bird update - Elvises have left the nest

2005-05-09T10:39:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I saw the babies fly for the first time! Luckily, my sidekick had the camera handy to snap some pictures. First, here are the birds on our front door yesterday just before they flew away from the nest to join their mom and dad in a nearby tree.

And here is the first one up with the folks in a nearby tree:

Here is the smaller baby still not sure if it is time to come out yet. You can do it baby bird, you can do it! Go bird, go bird, go bird, go - go - go, go bird . . .

Yahooo, the second baby made it too! Here is the second baby bird up in the tree:

Dog do they fly fast - those wings must be flapping a 20 times a second. The mom flew over immediately after to hang out with this one, the dad stayed with the other baby bird in another tree. Now that's teamwork!

Bye baby birds, have a great life!

Ever since the baby birds left I've been chewing on my goose a lot. Definitely my favorite toy of all time.

Statue practice

2005-05-08T15:42:00.000-04:00

Hi, Cal here. Today I am practicing holding my stuffed bird toy veerrrrry, very still. It's the latest thing I do. You see, when I do this, I'm hoping people will think I'm a statue. Then, when they least expect it, I'll pounce on them and get them to play with me. Just thought you might like to know what I've been doing today. Ok, back to practicing now . . .